Bye, THE VOICE OF THE PHILIPPINES :)

I lost the battle rounds last Sunday.. To be more precise, I lost about 3weeks ago. I had to keep it to myself for so long. Before it aired, I had to go about my day, meet people, work, show up in interviews... I thought i was doing okay until it did air... And it finally sank in. I lost. And I won't be proceeding to the Live Shows.

I won't deny it, I felt like I hit rock bottom...... again. I suddenly felt so unsure of everything around me. I asked God why He put me there when He wasn't gonna get me through it. Why I had to be in the trio, why I was paired with two ladies with two different genres.. Why they had to move us a day earlier, why I didn't get to sing what I rehearsed cause I had too much phlegm, why I had to have a fever on the night of our battles, why we had to perform at 3am, why after waiting for this for so long, i'm all of a sudden OUT of the game, why it feels so UNFAIR... Why now when I've learned to love everyone there? Why now when I have all these plans and these dreams and.... UGH, WHY NOW... :(

I hid all my frustrations from the world and from everyone around me. To them I may have looked okay... But I knew deep inside that I was breaking. Until one Wednesday, Yeng Constantino spoke at one of LifeBox Makati's events and she gave her testimony. She said things I already knew... But when she said it, I began to understand.. All my questions were answered that night. When I surrendered, every fog, every sign of vagueness disappeared. It was finally clear to me.....

Even if I got to do my runs the way i rehearsed them.. Even if I wasn't sick.. Even if the song was favoring me.. Even if i wasn't put in the trio, If it's not God's will for me to be in that competition any longer, i still won't win. If it was, I could fall off the stage (still praying that would never happen HEHE), crack as much as i want to and still win!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDjn1j-3aIU

And after spending much time praying... And just asking GOD WHY HE LET ME LOSE... I realized how I didn't really lose at all. I'M IN THE CENTER OF GOD'S WILL...... And He who holds my future has the victory!

Plus I got the chance to meet such beautiful, talented people who i can now, confidently call family! I got to be mentored by Apl De Ap and Arnel Pineda! I got to meet Bamboo, Sarah G and Ms Lea Salonga. I got to meet my best friends, #TeamTakaw and the best fans #moisters through this too. I never lost. It may be the end for me in TheVoiceOfThePhilippines (MAYBE i can come back next year? Hihi) but I NEVER REALLY LOST. I won so much more than just a title ;)

PENELOPE DESERVED IT :) I am genuinely happy for her. Pag nagrerehearse kaming tatlo ng 3 ng umaga, hirap na hirap na kami ni Cara pero si Pen sobrang effortless. She is one talented girl and I'm blessed to have been privileged to sing with her and my beautiful Cara :)

So to everyone who's sent me all those gifts and flowers and messages... I am so encouraged by all of you. Sorry if I haven't replied yet, i will get to that in a bit! :) But thank you... With all my heart... Thank you for making my short time in "The Voice" one of the greatest highlights of my life!

PS
To everyone who's asking... I'M OKAY! God is holding me :) Thanks for all your prayers!

G R A C E

"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." -Romans 5:20

I was reading Romans earlier and saw this. I'm just so amazed! (In a way convicted that I'm not so familiar with this verse but even more excited knowing that there's so much beauty and revelation awaiting us each time we open His Word!) 

I remember reading something about grace and mercy being fraternal twins. They're initiated by the same Person, spring from the same source, and appear simultaneously; but they're not identical. Mercy doesn't give us what we do deserve; and grace gives us what we do not deserve.

And it led me back to our sins... How there are certain "sins" in our lives that we've become so comfortable doing. Sins that we've learned to tolerate and live with making it heavier than it actually is without us feeling the weight of it all anymore! 

Realizing all of this made me feel so guilty... So helpless... Worthless... Until God led me to Romans 5:20 and taught me that SIN IS NO MATCH FOR HIS GRACE! Whatever sin's impact may be, His grace is more potent. He's a giving God and He gives out of His love and loves to give-- being grace as His greatest pleasure. 

Stop Worrying

"For your heavenly Father knows what you need... But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day day is its own trouble." 

- Matthew 6:32-34 

I've always translated my "empathy" to either care and concern or fear and anxiety. Fear is right when it is reverence toward God cause He's holy and care is good when showing concern for others. But worry.... Worry is always wrong. I realized how much it paralyzes active faith in my life. 

                                         

When I assume responsibility for things I was never intended to handle. Worry divides my mind between useful and hurtful thinking. It doesn't change anything except draw my focus away from God...

It's a choking, harmful emotion that saps my energy and elevates human strength and ingenuity above God's strength and His purposeful plan. 

I realize that I worry most when there's change, lack of understanding and lack of control over my life. It's the opposite of faith, suggesting that I can't trust God.. Yes, worry paralyzes our faith that it causes us to forget the many times God came thru for us and taught us lessons which brought us to where we stand now. 

It causes our fears to crowd out our faith. 

God is calling us to Himself.. To trust Him always, that though we do not know what will happen tomorrow, we know who holds it.... and we know who holds us.

"...Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? What help can worrying bring?" 

--Matthew 6:26-27

19 and CHOSEN.

"When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!

When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will 

not be burned up; the flames will not consume you."

Isaiah 43:2

Lord,   You know just how much I can take in times when I am pressed, bent, and feel as if i can't endure. I trust and KNOW that You are careful not to allow me to be broken beyond repair. You see the final outcome.... I DON'T. So help me, Lord, to give you ALL control that You may continue Your good work in me. Help me stop meddling and questioning the God of the universe and just help me trust in You. God, I still don't understand... but I surrender. 

"And we know that all things work together for good to those 

who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose..."

Romans8:28

  

  Your goodness is nowhere more apparent than in the midst of suffering. It is proven in the Scriptures and in my 19 years of experiencing Your mercy that You WILL carry me through every adversity & every trial. Your presence is sufficient to banish all fear. Your power is enough to deliver me from despair. Your ultimate purpose is always for our good! Thank You, Lord, that suffering does not have the final word! I know that my pain is not belittled and that the promise of life will break through my faith and my obedience. I trust in You, Lord. Completely.

Amen

This was never really a SECRET

"Hi ms moira.. I think your life is too complicated. I hope you find hope and joy despite all the complications in your life. I don't get why you have two families. Which is which? Do you even feel blessed? How can you even talk to God? Don't you feel trapped? I guess that's not my business anymore. Just wanted to say... You may not be as blessed as a lot of people.. but please continue singing. At least you bless other people." 

---- i got this this morning. Wanted to feel offended but then, i can't really blame her. So here. Lemme tell you about my life :)

Well, Hi. I'm moira. I'm 18. I have 5 siblings but i'm an only child. It was never a secret but it was never broadcasted either. I guess it's to not confuse people so much. Anyway, i don't see anything to be ashamed of. I have been blessed with a great life story. So great i feel the need to tell you how it really goes :) 

I was born in Manila. My parents, Rocky & Mike, were annulled when i was 4. My mom and I had to move to Olongapo and my dad to the States. So it was just me and my mom for awhile. She never left me... I personally think she's the perfect definition of a woman after God's heart. I am privileged to be the daughter of such a beautiful woman.

She remarried when I was 7. This man, John, made his way to my heart and who i can very proudly call my dad. Though not blood related, what we have is even more than that. He has raised me well, fought for me and loved me as his own and i love him so much for that. 

I was 9 when my mom gave birth to J'Mee and 14 when we had Reese. I could never ask for a more loving family. This is my Dela Torre family. 

2010, i gathered all my courage to finally talk to my Daddy Mike. We were on the phone for 7 hours. He immediately became my best friend. I personally believe that I'm his carbon copy. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. A lot of who I am now could easily be traced back to him :) I love my dad.

A few months after that phone call, he flew to the Philippines with my two sisters and one baby brother. My stepmom followed a few weeks after. It was the first time i saw my dad again after 13 years. First time to meet my siblings. 

December 2011, i flew to the States to spend time with them. I may have not grown up with them but the first day I met them was enough to prove i was part of this family too. How I feel? As if i was never even gone. This is my Cruzado family.

I used to struggle with this. Used to think i had to choose between two sides. Used to feel trapped in the middle. I believed in the lies i had heard and the lies i made up in my head. But God opened my eyes... showed me the bigger picture. You see, I don't really have to choose. He's blessed me with two, therefore I have two. Why limit it to one?

I have two families. Two homes. Two dads. One beautiful mom. One amazing stepmom. Four of the best baby sisters you can ever have and a little prince for a brother. 

So to answer your question again... I think God has written a beautiful story for me. I think i'm pretty blessed ;)

That thing you do: Day 21 (LAST DAY!!!!)

Matthew 21:18-22 

The tree looked like it was bearing figs, but no fruit was there. Just as in Jesus' cleansing of the temple, His striking of the tree indicated the imminence of judgement.

The tree with its leaves had the marks of fruitfulness, but bore no fruit. 

In the same way, we could be reading our Bible, going to church as often as possible, being as "religious" as we could be, but if we don't follow what Christ is telling us, these are merely works in vain. 

"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not unto men." (Colossians 3:23)

It shouldn't be for man that we serve. There's no fruit in that. 

Let's invest time and energy into knowing God. 

Only then can we love Him. 

Only when we love Him can we obey Him. 

And only then can we truly learn to FOLLOW HIM. 

That thing you do: Day 20

Matthew 26:36-46 

Gethsemane..... There, in prayer, Jesus fought His greatest battle. The intense sorrow was not primarily over the physical torture or dying, for He had been telling them for months He was willing to die... Rather, it was over needing to experience God's "cup of wrath." In the Old Testament, God's cup of wrath was poured out on sinners resulting in desolation, waste, and becoming a curse. He, the pure, sinless Son of God, would become sin, which would result in separation between Himself and the Father.

It was this separation that He dreaded. Because He was obedient, He experienced something no Christian would ever experience-- separation from God. 

"Watch and pray lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak."

We should always run to the Father. Constantly being in His presence. Always. One look away can draw us farther and farther until we forget our way back. It's important to be watchful, careful, alert... We are in the flesh. We are weak physically. We can give in to temptation if not in the presence of the Lord. I remember Pastor Robert Hern preaching about sin growing. You take a little bite.. Just to see what it tastes like. You take another bite, just to be sure. Then you take another one, and another one and another one and another one.... until you don't know how to stop anymore. 

We need to take a step back. WATCH & PRAY. Jesus, in all His perfection, still ran to the Father.... 

All the more should we.